Eating Disorders can happen to anyone.
🛑 Trigger Warning: Sensitive Content Ahead 🛑
Dear Visitor,
Welcome to a profoundly personal section of the CEDAA website, dedicated to sharing the journeys and stories of individuals touched by eating disorders. Before you proceed, we invite you to pause and reflect, as the content ahead explores deeply personal, and potentially triggering, experiences related to eating disorders, recovery, and mental health.
This space is crafted with the deepest respect and empathy for those who have bravely shared their stories. It’s a testament to the strength, resilience, and complexity of the human spirit in the face of eating disorders. These narratives span the spectrum of recovery, from the darkest moments to rays of hope and healing, offering insights into the personal battles and triumphs encountered along the way.
The stories you will find here are shared with authenticity and care, aiming to foster connection, awareness, and understanding. They delve into the reality of living with an eating disorder, the challenges of mental health, and the journey toward recovery. Each story is unique, reflecting the diverse experiences of those affected by eating disorders.
The material in this section covers sensitive and potentially triggering topics, including personal struggles with eating behaviors, body image, and mental health challenges. These accounts are shared with the intention of offering support and fostering a deeper understanding of eating disorders but may resonate with personal experiences in unexpected ways.
As you explore these stories, we encourage you to prioritize your mental and emotional wellbeing. If at any point you find the content to be overwhelming, please honor your feelings and consider reaching out for support from trusted individuals in your life or professional resources.
Should you choose to engage with these narratives, we urge you to do so with a spirit of self-care and mindfulness. The path of recovery, as depicted through these stories, is not linear but a journey marked by courage, resilience, and hope.
Should you decide to pause or step back, know that such a decision is respected and supported. Your wellbeing and safety are of utmost importance.
Please be aware that the information and stories shared here are for educational and supportive purposes only and do not constitute professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. CEDAA and its contributors cannot be held liable for any direct or indirect consequences arising from the use of the information provided. Individuals are encouraged to seek professional advice and support for any concerns related to eating disorders or mental health.
The CEDAA team stands with you, offering our solidarity and support as you navigate through these stories. We hope they serve not only as a testament to the challenges faced by those with eating disorders but also as a beacon of hope for recovery and understanding. Your journey, whether as someone directly affected by an eating disorder or as a supportive ally, is valued. We are here to support you, offering resources, guidance, and a compassionate community.
With heartfelt care,
The CEDAA Team
Add Section for Meghan's Story
Hi, my name is Meghan and today I'm going to tell you my story of Anorexia and Bulimia.
My body image issues started all of the way back in the 4th grade. I started to fill out faster than a lot of the girls in my class. My thighs grew bigger and stronger, as I was also a cheerleader. The first comment about my body was made in grade five. It was picture day and my mom had just bought me a new outfit for the occasion. It was a top and a shorter skirt. As I was walking through the halls, one of the boys in my class decided it was a good idea to comment on the size of my legs. His exact words were “You have MASSIVE beefy legs.” I remember how dark of a place it put me in.I started to engage in eating disorder behaviours around the seventh grade. Things like over-exercising and purging. I kept it a secret from everyone. Throughout junior high, I had always gotten comments like “Why is your butt so big” or “I don’t believe you weigh that little” when we were doing weights for a science experiment. Having the whole class know my weight made me very uncomfortable. People looked at me differently as I was one of the bigger girls in my class. I don’t know if anyone remembers the app, “Ask.fm” but it was a brutal app, and shouldn’t have been used for what it was. You could anonymously send people comments and questions. At this point, I had only got it because some people in my class brought it up. Anyways, I got multiple comments a day, every day for almost a month straight from girls and guys in my class. They sent horrible comments about me and my body. It had gotten to the point that I had to switch schools. When I hit grade 10 that is when I made the big move. About 15 minutes away from my hometown. I had a boyfriend there, who was very popular, but I was not. His friends hated me, called me ugly, called me fat, and told me to commit suicide multiple times. One day, the teacher left the room with his computer open. At this time I was wearing ripped jeans, and since my thighs were on the bigger side, my legs puffed out at the rips a bit. One of the boys went up to the screen and pulled up a photo of roast beef and in front of the whole class he said: “ Hey look guys, it’s Meghan's legs!” I was humiliated. I decided I would never wear ripped jeans in public again. With all of the bullying, self-harm came into effect. It was all I could do to cope with the pain, so I could feel something. I started getting called an attention seeker. I skipped weeks and weeks of school to get away from those boys. I never had it easy in those two schools. The principal always said there was nothing we could do about it. When all of this was happening, things at home weren’t so hot either. I didn’t get along with my mom's boyfriend at the time and I had decided to move in with my boyfriend. I was 16 years old. Around Christmas time, there was a party my ex was having and he had invited my current boyfriend to come, so of course, he asked if I could join. He sent a video back of everyone going around the table saying “No one wants her here and she can go kill herself. So that night when my boyfriend left, I left the house around 10:30 after my boyfriend's mom went to bed. I had Pyjama shorts on and slippers with a light hoodie. It was -35 with the windchill. I knew I would freeze. I walked to the outskirts of town and went into the baseball diamond. As I was standing on the top of the dugouts with a knife to my stomach. My only support in that school was a very kind girl. She had been driving around town looking for me and found me at the perfect time. She was at the party so she already knew what was going on. She took me to her place and her mom made me a hot chocolate and tried to help warm me up. I calmed down enough to go home and be with my boyfriend safely.It got around the school pretty fast. I couldn’t bear living there anymore. The boys would ask “Why didn’t you try harder, and do it right next time.” I had broken up with my boyfriend so that I could move schools and start a new life.I began grade eleven at Beaumont Comp where I had many new friends. Life was drastically better. But those comments. They echoed in my head daily. I would purge everything. Until I couldn’t, and then I would go back and get more to binge on and purge again. This was an every night occurrence. My parents started getting concerned and brought me to the doctor. From there, I got referred to the eating disorder clinic at the University Hospital. There, I met Dr. Lara Ostolosky. I was intimidated at first. But she ended up being one of the funniest, kindest people I’ve met. That day I had been diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa. About three appointments in it had been decided that I was going to go inpatient for a while. At that point, my weight wasn’t dangerously low, but it was concerning because I had lost over 20lbs in 6 months. I had my time there. It's not what you would expect. This was way before covid. There were many people in the meal room. I had a roommate who was very artistic. That made it somewhat better. After three weeks, It was time to get discharged. Two weeks into recovery and I decided to start making myself sick again. I hated the weight that I had to gain back. The change happens so quickly to your body in treatment and you have to cope with it. My body dysmorphia was killing me, the suicidal thoughts, the constant echoes in my head of the words said to me in the past just smothered my mind. As my relapse went on, my behaviours started to change. I no longer went to the cupboard after purging, I started to hide food around the house and throw it out later when my parents weren’t looking, or the classic “Feed it to the dog”. But once again my parents noticed my body getting smaller so we decided to go back to Dr. O. It was a longer waitlist because I had done it before. I waited 3 months to get in and four days in I decided to leave. I wasn’t ready to recover. Of course, my eating disorder got worse around those times. My diagnosis had changed to Anorexia Binge/Purge subtype. I had taken it to the extreme. I started going on six-kilometre runs twice a day running around my town. My weight was declining and so was my health. My doctor gave me another chance to come back and get my life back together but once again I was not ready for treatment and three weeks in I left. Thoughts were so loud, it got to the point where I was starting to hear voices. Those voices are people from my past, their words still to this day replay in my head. My boyfriend of three years wanted to break up. He was with me for too many hospital stays and I believe it was getting to be too much for him. That sent me in a downward spiral and I got hospitalized once again. This time I wanted to prove I could do it. When I got there I had an amazing roommate and we could relate to tons of things. At this point, I had hit my lowest weight at the time and for some reason, I felt like I had achieved something. But I had to put that behind me. It was time to take recovery more seriously than I did in the past. It was when covid was starting up that I got sent in. Therefore there were no visitors allowed. I didn’t see my mom for over three months. I lived in the hospital for those three months without going home. I got an NG tube put in for the first time and it was painful. It isn’t something to be glamorized whatsoever. I had gotten the NG tube put in to help for a couple of reasons. First, I could not physically eat the number of calories I needed to by mouth so the feed would help get those extra calories in. I also used it as a deterrent to stop me from purging. The thought of getting sick with it really scared me at the time. After three and a half months of inpatient, including being there for my birthday I managed to make it out. My head space was very bad at the time and I was having a lot of suicidal thoughts. At the time I had recently downloaded tinder, and the date went south as soon as I walked through the door. It was a sexual assault. I felt gross in my own body, I could barely look at myself in the mirror. A week after I had an attempt, which made me hospitalized yet again. I got taken by ambulance to Alberta Hospital straight from the U of A. It was a traumatizing experience. Lots of different kinds of people. Some were okay to be around and the others not so much. I stayed in the young adults unit for about four days. While being there, my eating disorder did a complete 180 and I started purging again. I got back into self-harm while I was there, I was constantly triggered. I finally got my mom to take me out of there and I went home. Living with my mom was never easy, we don’t get along the greatest. I got kicked out of her place and ended up moving to the outside of Edmonton with a friend. I got worse and worse by the day because I no longer had supervision. The voices were only getting louder, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I started clawing and scratching at my head to get them out. That is still something that I struggle with to this day. I had no supervision when I was living with my friend so I was able to get away with most of my behaviours. I started running again to lose weight. But nothing was working for me. We got evicted due to a missed payment and I ended up moving back to my mom's house. She took me back in. Over Christmas of 2021, around November actually, I lost my front teeth due to purging, from decay. It took a while to get used to. But I'm learning to love my new smile every day.Around the end of February of 2022, I started seeing a guy. I walked all over him, I lied all about eating and purging saying that I was reaching my calorie level or that I wasn’t purging. But sadly I was. My health declined, even more, I was fainting 3-4 times a day, I could barely get out of bed some mornings and walking up the stairs became very hard. I started having seizures, one night I had three and I was taken by ambulance to have some tests. My treatment team started to get worried and believed it was time to come back in. So with very short notice, I had gotten a spot in the outpatient program. I was immediately tubed and connected to an IV. The fainting continued to happen for many weeks so they decided they wanted to put me impatient. I wasn’t able to go on walks until I was more stable. But I started getting stronger by the day. Strength wise. My body image was so bad but my weight wasn’t going up, so we increased the calorie level. I was at 3000kcals a day. That's what made me gain my weight back. After a month of inpatient and I was ready to go back to outpatient where I could have a little more freedom. Things started getting a lot better. I was discharged in mid-July after being there since the end of April. My doctor had saved my life. Now, I have moved into the eating disorder transition house to help me get into real life again. I may not be recovered but I am trying my best and that is what matters most. They will help me become more independent and teach me to cook. I’m not cleared for work yet but in a few months' time, I should be. I am very proud of how far I’ve come in this journey. I want to say a thank you to my treatment team for all of the support they’ve given me over the years. Dr. O, my psychologist Ryan, and my wonderful dieticians ( I had a couple through the years) But I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. So thank you.
Go To HomepageDear Visitor,
Welcome to a profoundly personal section of the CEDAA website, dedicated to sharing the journeys and stories of individuals touched by eating disorders. Before you proceed, we invite you to pause and reflect, as the content ahead explores deeply personal, and potentially triggering, experiences related to eating disorders, recovery, and mental health.
This space is crafted with the deepest respect and empathy for those who have bravely shared their stories. It’s a testament to the strength, resilience, and complexity of the human spirit in the face of eating disorders. These narratives span the spectrum of recovery, from the darkest moments to rays of hope and healing, offering insights into the personal battles and triumphs encountered along the way.
The stories you will find here are shared with authenticity and care, aiming to foster connection, awareness, and understanding. They delve into the reality of living with an eating disorder, the challenges of mental health, and the journey toward recovery. Each story is unique, reflecting the diverse experiences of those affected by eating disorders.
The material in this section covers sensitive and potentially triggering topics, including personal struggles with eating behaviors, body image, and mental health challenges. These accounts are shared with the intention of offering support and fostering a deeper understanding of eating disorders but may resonate with personal experiences in unexpected ways.
As you explore these stories, we encourage you to prioritize your mental and emotional wellbeing. If at any point you find the content to be overwhelming, please honor your feelings and consider reaching out for support from trusted individuals in your life or professional resources.
Should you choose to engage with these narratives, we urge you to do so with a spirit of self-care and mindfulness. The path of recovery, as depicted through these stories, is not linear but a journey marked by courage, resilience, and hope.
Should you decide to pause or step back, know that such a decision is respected and supported. Your wellbeing and safety are of utmost importance.
Please be aware that the information and stories shared here are for educational and supportive purposes only and do not constitute professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. CEDAA and its contributors cannot be held liable for any direct or indirect consequences arising from the use of the information provided. Individuals are encouraged to seek professional advice and support for any concerns related to eating disorders or mental health.
The CEDAA team stands with you, offering our solidarity and support as you navigate through these stories. We hope they serve not only as a testament to the challenges faced by those with eating disorders but also as a beacon of hope for recovery and understanding. Your journey, whether as someone directly affected by an eating disorder or as a supportive ally, is valued. We are here to support you, offering resources, guidance, and a compassionate community.
With heartfelt care,
The CEDAA Team
Add Section for Meghan's Story
Hi, my name is Meghan and today I'm going to tell you my story of Anorexia and Bulimia.
My body image issues started all of the way back in the 4th grade. I started to fill out faster than a lot of the girls in my class. My thighs grew bigger and stronger, as I was also a cheerleader. The first comment about my body was made in grade five. It was picture day and my mom had just bought me a new outfit for the occasion. It was a top and a shorter skirt. As I was walking through the halls, one of the boys in my class decided it was a good idea to comment on the size of my legs. His exact words were “You have MASSIVE beefy legs.” I remember how dark of a place it put me in.I started to engage in eating disorder behaviours around the seventh grade. Things like over-exercising and purging. I kept it a secret from everyone. Throughout junior high, I had always gotten comments like “Why is your butt so big” or “I don’t believe you weigh that little” when we were doing weights for a science experiment. Having the whole class know my weight made me very uncomfortable. People looked at me differently as I was one of the bigger girls in my class. I don’t know if anyone remembers the app, “Ask.fm” but it was a brutal app, and shouldn’t have been used for what it was. You could anonymously send people comments and questions. At this point, I had only got it because some people in my class brought it up. Anyways, I got multiple comments a day, every day for almost a month straight from girls and guys in my class. They sent horrible comments about me and my body. It had gotten to the point that I had to switch schools. When I hit grade 10 that is when I made the big move. About 15 minutes away from my hometown. I had a boyfriend there, who was very popular, but I was not. His friends hated me, called me ugly, called me fat, and told me to commit suicide multiple times. One day, the teacher left the room with his computer open. At this time I was wearing ripped jeans, and since my thighs were on the bigger side, my legs puffed out at the rips a bit. One of the boys went up to the screen and pulled up a photo of roast beef and in front of the whole class he said: “ Hey look guys, it’s Meghan's legs!” I was humiliated. I decided I would never wear ripped jeans in public again. With all of the bullying, self-harm came into effect. It was all I could do to cope with the pain, so I could feel something. I started getting called an attention seeker. I skipped weeks and weeks of school to get away from those boys. I never had it easy in those two schools. The principal always said there was nothing we could do about it. When all of this was happening, things at home weren’t so hot either. I didn’t get along with my mom's boyfriend at the time and I had decided to move in with my boyfriend. I was 16 years old. Around Christmas time, there was a party my ex was having and he had invited my current boyfriend to come, so of course, he asked if I could join. He sent a video back of everyone going around the table saying “No one wants her here and she can go kill herself. So that night when my boyfriend left, I left the house around 10:30 after my boyfriend's mom went to bed. I had Pyjama shorts on and slippers with a light hoodie. It was -35 with the windchill. I knew I would freeze. I walked to the outskirts of town and went into the baseball diamond. As I was standing on the top of the dugouts with a knife to my stomach. My only support in that school was a very kind girl. She had been driving around town looking for me and found me at the perfect time. She was at the party so she already knew what was going on. She took me to her place and her mom made me a hot chocolate and tried to help warm me up. I calmed down enough to go home and be with my boyfriend safely.It got around the school pretty fast. I couldn’t bear living there anymore. The boys would ask “Why didn’t you try harder, and do it right next time.” I had broken up with my boyfriend so that I could move schools and start a new life.I began grade eleven at Beaumont Comp where I had many new friends. Life was drastically better. But those comments. They echoed in my head daily. I would purge everything. Until I couldn’t, and then I would go back and get more to binge on and purge again. This was an every night occurrence. My parents started getting concerned and brought me to the doctor. From there, I got referred to the eating disorder clinic at the University Hospital. There, I met Dr. Lara Ostolosky. I was intimidated at first. But she ended up being one of the funniest, kindest people I’ve met. That day I had been diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa. About three appointments in it had been decided that I was going to go inpatient for a while. At that point, my weight wasn’t dangerously low, but it was concerning because I had lost over 20lbs in 6 months. I had my time there. It's not what you would expect. This was way before covid. There were many people in the meal room. I had a roommate who was very artistic. That made it somewhat better. After three weeks, It was time to get discharged. Two weeks into recovery and I decided to start making myself sick again. I hated the weight that I had to gain back. The change happens so quickly to your body in treatment and you have to cope with it. My body dysmorphia was killing me, the suicidal thoughts, the constant echoes in my head of the words said to me in the past just smothered my mind. As my relapse went on, my behaviours started to change. I no longer went to the cupboard after purging, I started to hide food around the house and throw it out later when my parents weren’t looking, or the classic “Feed it to the dog”. But once again my parents noticed my body getting smaller so we decided to go back to Dr. O. It was a longer waitlist because I had done it before. I waited 3 months to get in and four days in I decided to leave. I wasn’t ready to recover. Of course, my eating disorder got worse around those times. My diagnosis had changed to Anorexia Binge/Purge subtype. I had taken it to the extreme. I started going on six-kilometre runs twice a day running around my town. My weight was declining and so was my health. My doctor gave me another chance to come back and get my life back together but once again I was not ready for treatment and three weeks in I left. Thoughts were so loud, it got to the point where I was starting to hear voices. Those voices are people from my past, their words still to this day replay in my head. My boyfriend of three years wanted to break up. He was with me for too many hospital stays and I believe it was getting to be too much for him. That sent me in a downward spiral and I got hospitalized once again. This time I wanted to prove I could do it. When I got there I had an amazing roommate and we could relate to tons of things. At this point, I had hit my lowest weight at the time and for some reason, I felt like I had achieved something. But I had to put that behind me. It was time to take recovery more seriously than I did in the past. It was when covid was starting up that I got sent in. Therefore there were no visitors allowed. I didn’t see my mom for over three months. I lived in the hospital for those three months without going home. I got an NG tube put in for the first time and it was painful. It isn’t something to be glamorized whatsoever. I had gotten the NG tube put in to help for a couple of reasons. First, I could not physically eat the number of calories I needed to by mouth so the feed would help get those extra calories in. I also used it as a deterrent to stop me from purging. The thought of getting sick with it really scared me at the time. After three and a half months of inpatient, including being there for my birthday I managed to make it out. My head space was very bad at the time and I was having a lot of suicidal thoughts. At the time I had recently downloaded tinder, and the date went south as soon as I walked through the door. It was a sexual assault. I felt gross in my own body, I could barely look at myself in the mirror. A week after I had an attempt, which made me hospitalized yet again. I got taken by ambulance to Alberta Hospital straight from the U of A. It was a traumatizing experience. Lots of different kinds of people. Some were okay to be around and the others not so much. I stayed in the young adults unit for about four days. While being there, my eating disorder did a complete 180 and I started purging again. I got back into self-harm while I was there, I was constantly triggered. I finally got my mom to take me out of there and I went home. Living with my mom was never easy, we don’t get along the greatest. I got kicked out of her place and ended up moving to the outside of Edmonton with a friend. I got worse and worse by the day because I no longer had supervision. The voices were only getting louder, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I started clawing and scratching at my head to get them out. That is still something that I struggle with to this day. I had no supervision when I was living with my friend so I was able to get away with most of my behaviours. I started running again to lose weight. But nothing was working for me. We got evicted due to a missed payment and I ended up moving back to my mom's house. She took me back in. Over Christmas of 2021, around November actually, I lost my front teeth due to purging, from decay. It took a while to get used to. But I'm learning to love my new smile every day.Around the end of February of 2022, I started seeing a guy. I walked all over him, I lied all about eating and purging saying that I was reaching my calorie level or that I wasn’t purging. But sadly I was. My health declined, even more, I was fainting 3-4 times a day, I could barely get out of bed some mornings and walking up the stairs became very hard. I started having seizures, one night I had three and I was taken by ambulance to have some tests. My treatment team started to get worried and believed it was time to come back in. So with very short notice, I had gotten a spot in the outpatient program. I was immediately tubed and connected to an IV. The fainting continued to happen for many weeks so they decided they wanted to put me impatient. I wasn’t able to go on walks until I was more stable. But I started getting stronger by the day. Strength wise. My body image was so bad but my weight wasn’t going up, so we increased the calorie level. I was at 3000kcals a day. That's what made me gain my weight back. After a month of inpatient and I was ready to go back to outpatient where I could have a little more freedom. Things started getting a lot better. I was discharged in mid-July after being there since the end of April. My doctor had saved my life. Now, I have moved into the eating disorder transition house to help me get into real life again. I may not be recovered but I am trying my best and that is what matters most. They will help me become more independent and teach me to cook. I’m not cleared for work yet but in a few months' time, I should be. I am very proud of how far I’ve come in this journey. I want to say a thank you to my treatment team for all of the support they’ve given me over the years. Dr. O, my psychologist Ryan, and my wonderful dieticians ( I had a couple through the years) But I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. So thank you.